self love
Posted in: Philosophy

Self Love | Not A How-To-Guide

Welcome back! Glad to see you again.

self love

Not to my surprise, many of my friends and readers wanted to read and learn about self-love. Let me clarify this, this is not a self-help guide to something rather a self-analysis about your perception of love and life.
I am extremely happy with the response I am getting and a hearty thanks to all of you for believing in me.
Let’s get started.

What is self-love?

self love

To understand what self-love is, we must first understand what love means. What is love?

Well, love has a different meaning for different people, some will say love is sensual, some say its a sensory pleasure and some say its obsession with something or some say its attachment, what do you think love is?

The definition of love lies within you, stop reading this for a while and think about it. Which feeling makes you think you are in love?

Some say love is freedom, love is acceptance and yet some say love is under control. How many are really in love?

Love towards your family, friends, ambition, or the outside world. what is love?

Today I am not going to tell you what love means. It’s your job to find out what love is.

Be happy if you know the answer and keep it to yourself because nothing is going to change in me or someone if you tell your answer. The question and the answer, both are yours.

Some say love is dependence and attachment. some still answer that love is a pleasure. Pleasure triggers your sensory, but till when? When there is pleasure, there exists, jealousy, anger, rage, and hatred.

So, is love, hatred? Think about it. Some would say I control him/her because I love him/her. But is that love?

Every person has a personal side some choose to display but some don’t, so does that mean that that particular person loves you any less? Think about it.

Now, what is self-love?

Self + love
I know this sounds kinda childish but I promise that you will understand what I am trying to say.
That sounded like a viva answer.isn’t it?. So yes really, self + love it is. First of all, what is the self? Imagine a family man feeling lonely. He has a wife and children. He has a job. He is the boss of a big company, so by default, he is wealthy. but he still feels lonely. Why?

Because for some people, the definition of self comes from outside materialistic world. Outside of himself. His name and his fame. His qualification, his status, or position. But who is he? Not aware of who he is.

To attain the stage of self-love you must first learn to accept yourself, accept those nasty scars because when you achieve that mindset of self-acceptance, you’ll distance yourself from an evil friend called self-doubt.

Let me tell you a story

There was a child who was three years old he lived in a huge mansion with his loving parents who were wealthy and popular. They met several people every day. They used to tell their kid to greet the guests because they wanted a fairytale kind of life, where even the young kid was demanded to act like a gentleman. The child would initially try to greet but as he got older they forced him to talk to people or guests just to show how confident their kid was. But the child had a different interest. He didn’t like to talk to unknown people and was frustrated. This act of his parents eventually started disrupting his emotional behavior.

When he was 9 years old his parents wanted to create a picture-perfect kid for one and all. They would teach him how to eat, walk, speak and what not. But, he couldn’t perfect it, in their way. So they started complaining and demotivating their only son. Slowly, the emotionally disrupted kid is now depressed because he couldn’t match to their definition of perfection because it was different from what he was. He is not a gentleman who his parents want him to be. he didn’t know how to play golf, how to play Piano, he can’t walk and eat the way his parents wanted. But still tried to follow their demand.

self love

When he was 15 he started making some friends at school. But, later he realized he had friends because he was wealthy and his parents were popular. One fine day, as he was passing by school ground where some gymnasts were practicing for the upcoming sports event. He instantly fell in love with that activity and he couldn’t wait to learn and do it like them. He went to his mansion and told his parents about what he saw in the school ground. His parents straightaway denied and told him to focus on his academia so that he could become like them in the future.

He studied hard but couldn’t score well and failed his parent’s expectations. Gradually, he started losing himself. Indeed, he was suffering a lot. But, only if he had said what he wanted. He started doubting himself.
His parents managed to send him to a prestigious college, so now he thought, this is the best time to show them that he is good enough.

Now, when he entered college, he saw an energetic environment, where everyone was happy and excited about the new beginnings. And he tried to immerse himself in the environment because he didn’t want to feel left out.
To make friends, he started changing the way he spoke, the clothes he wore, and finally, the person he was.
One fine day, he fell in love with a girl. To impress her, he again changed himself for her, so that she could notice him, but another sadness just rattled, she loved someone else.

self love

He felt more down about himself. He started overeating due to depression. He started comparing himself with others, he waited for approvals from others. Whatever he did, he waited for approval but never got one. Even if he did something good, he was not noticed. His confidence just dropped and slowly he lost himself.
His parents died when he was 28, due to cancer, now no one wanted him. Because he used to act weird because he didn’t know himself at all. He wanted to fit in with everyone. Wanted to become what he wasn’t.
He drugged himself to sleep, he gave himself so much pain that he slowly realized that he doesn’t feel the pain anymore so he died, he killed himself, and before dying, he wrote:” no one loves me I am good for nothing and I hate myself”.

I’m sorry for such a tragic ending.

By this story, I just wanted to tell you that this little boy who grew up as a depressed adult wasn’t helped by the riches he had or the wealth and popularity of his parents. Some might say, he might have just grabbed such an amazing opportunity, but he missed it, what a fool!

Think about this, to feel complete, he could have bought an expensive car, an expensive mansion or some expensive statues but materialistic things don’t make a person complete. What would he do with so much of riches, when he had sacrificed his choice, his freedom, and himself. In this case, I would blame his parents and in our case, we would blame someone else. But the truth is we all have a choice and have enough power to avoid some things.

We live in a society where the majority of the population is not satisfied with themselves. Some don’t like the way they look.

The curly-haired wants straightened hair and the straight-haired wants curled hair.
The chubby ones want to look skinny and the skinny ones want to be chubby.
The fair skin wants to get tan and the dark skin wants to look fair.
The lesser privileged wants ,what the more privileged one has.
The more privileged ones want, what the other privileged one has.
The one who sings better but can’t dance is jealous of the one who dances.
The one who dances better is waiting for the approval of others.
If he or she disapproved or demotivated, then the cycle repeats.

So what do you see?
An immense hatred for themselves because of the fear of societal acceptance.

Fear and greed are the two most destructive emotions as mentioned in the book Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T Kiyosaki

Delete these emotions and the people who harm your peace and forget about the world.

self love

So hello there! stop this!

I Understand what you are going through but the difference is I have accepted my choice and myself for who I am.
You are the best. You don’t need anyone’s approval for the actions you want to do but hey! make sure you are on the right path. Everyone is unique and so are you. Everybody is beautiful. It doesn’t matter if you suffer from any health issue…like does that make you hate yourself?

If that does, I must say, you must start caring for yourself, love yourself no matter what, rather than crying about it.
You hate yourself because you or your society compare you with someone else. But hey! it’s up to you if you want to take it. You always have a choice every time. When I say, love yourself, it means you should first accept yourself.
You should accept your failures rather than whining about it.

Trust me, I have been through this and I am still working on it. I don’t care about what people think about me. I am just me. I love my hair, my skin, my style and I don’t mind about people’s opinions. I don’t care if people love my articles or not. I write because I love writing and I love spreading positivity through my writings. People will judge you no matter what and their approval shouldn’t affect you. They judge you when they don’t have what you have. People try to pull you from reaching the top when they feel they can’t match you. They will criticize you when you are doing good. But you know what, these things wouldn’t bother you when you start accepting and loving yourself.

Never try to lower someone when you are doing great. There’s a fragile line between being proud and being egoistic. Every individual is beautiful and so are you. You don’t need anyone’s approval when you love what you are doing. Everyone is going to die one day, so stay humble and love yourself. Love yourself so much, that you start loving everything around you.

It might sound difficult but it is not impossible.

Now when we are focusing on self-love we must also see to it that we follow the self-healing stuff rather than following some fake influencers. Watch something informative related to well being.
Once you start loving yourself, you become confident in your skin, you become carefree and happy.

But will I be lonely? no, you will never experience loneliness or depression because you’ll start enjoying your own company.
Love yourself so much that you forget what hatred means and yes! also be smart enough to smell if something is fishy!

That’s all for now if you want a second part on this topic,comment down.

I love you all, see you soon. Comment and share.

Self Love | Not A How-To-Guide
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Self Love | Not A How-To-Guide
To attain the stage of self-love you must first learn to accept yourself because when you achieve that mindset of self-acceptance, you distance yourself from an evil friend called self-doubt.
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Know Everything Now
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Comments (8) on "Self Love | Not A How-To-Guide"

  1. Hey! Amazing writings Soumya!! Keep it up! This is one of the topics close to my heart! Felt each and every word! Stay blessed!!!

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